She opened her mouth and her mother came out.

Yesterday I contacted one of my stepkids regarding something I needed to insure had been done.  Historically I haven't had to do this with said child but lately she hasn't been very organized or upfront and honest about a few things.

Her response was that I was being rude.  I wasn't being rude.  It was a legitimate request for an important matter.  Her response was uncharacteristic for her but all too familiar for me.  Her mother came out. 

Over the years we've had a number of things come up that have required a discussion with their mom.  Serious issues.  I'll not list any here but we tried to be realistic, compassionate and transparent.  My husband has tried to handle things fairly with BM. 

Unfortunately, his ex would react with defensiveness and deflection.  Her go to response was "your such a terrible dad" or something about me, the stepmom.

I'm not a mental health professional but I'm a blended life veteran.  I think much of the moms behavior was based on feelings of guilt and inadequacy.  She knew what she was doing was wrong but did it anyway.  She has a conscience though - she knows right from wrong.  The choices would eat at her, consuming and causing her to be moody and defensive.  She was in a constant state of unrest.  She would lash out and blame the easiest target:  Me.
Over time that has gotten old.  Very old.  But worse now is the kids, now all teens, have learned to repeat.

Dad knows what they are doing is wrong but like many Dads of divorce do, he overlooks it - which, I feel, in itself is wrong.  As parents I feel it is our responsibility to call out our kids when necessary or if they haven't been very reliable, require proof when asked. 

Once again no one wins in this situation.  I'm working on talking to my child after she calms down and is more rationale.  I'll discuss with her the very things I've said here.  Hopefully we'll work things out.