Teaching our kids to be proactive.

School is back in session in many places and along with a post I recently saw, it has me thinking about our kids and their emotional states.

I parent with a lens of responsibility - I don't just parent with the present moment in mind but also with the kids habits and futures in mind, the consequences of behaviors but most importantly - to help them manage - so they have less stress in their lives.  Things I have learned the hard way over time.   Some stress is preventable completely based on our choices!  Many divorced parents see and parent through a lens of love, and in my own experience, the bio parents don't consider the consequences enough to engage or enforce their kids to do things in a timely manner.  What do I mean?  A good example is homework and grade cards.  If the bio parents don't routinely ask what the child has going on homework wise until they see their child's bad grades or even zeros on the grade card?  This is a reactive measure versus a proactive measure and in my opinion, not only fails the child in the moment, but their future as well.   It creates unnecessary stress and chaos for the children.  Some parents argue that the kids have to learn on their own.  I agree with that for the most part but we have to teach the kids at a young age how to do these tasks.  I didn't always agree on how much homework the children had but I didn't see it as damaging to them or too difficult to do.  What I did see was the kids needed to develop good skills to do their homework effectively and timely so they were prepared for class.

Being proactive encourages and enforces the child to learn healthy habits of staying current and being responsible and accountable at school, in the home, or wherever they may be.  Everyone knows that being organized helps in positive ways.  It will be beneficial when the kids are finished with high school and move on if they chose to attend college.  If they choose to go straight into the workforce, the prep skills from their childhood will become useful as their prepare their resume or their job interview.  The point is teaching these skills do not take away from your child's childhood - you teach them appropriate skills at their age level and each stage of their development.  Picking up their toys when they are toddlers.  Learning to pick weather appropriate clothing when they start attending school.   Learning can be fun.  How?  YOU!  Parents set the tone on nearly every aspect of their child's perspectives.  Teaching them while having fun is a great way to bond and enjoy time together all while unbeknownst to them, preparing them for daily life as they grow.

Love,

The Straight Up Stepmom

The love of another mother looks beautiful.

A recent post on Facebook had me cheering, crying, celebrating, and thinking.

This is the picture and post.  Grab a tissue or box and read on:

"I don’t know who this lady is but if you know her tell her she’s awesome. Isaiah walked up to this lady at our last home game two weeks ago. He sat on her lap and they were talking like they knew each other. It lasted no more than 20 mins. However, she left right after halftime to meet up with her little girl. Fast forward to tonight...not long after we sat down at the game Isaiah spotted her. She waved at him and he made his way up to her. I thought their interaction would be the same as last time but I was wrong. Isaiah walked right up to her smiling, crawled in her lap and laid his head down on her shoulder. She welcomed him with open arms. This lady patted and rocked Isaiah to sleep like he had given birth to him. It was the sweetest!! We asked her if she wanted us to get him but she kept telling us she (and he) was fine!! Isaiah and this lady has NEVER met before other than those 20 mins at a game 2 weeks ago. I told her tonight that I am so sorry and I don’t know why he keeps bothering her. She replied he’s no bother and to not say that again. She said he was her new friend. She then went on to say she only has one child who is 15 and moments like this are priceless!!! With all of the racial tension that’s going on I’m glad to see the pictures like these because it goes to show color don’t matter to a lot of people. It really don’t!! Arguing over stuff as such makes us miss the simple pleasures in life. I hate I didn’t get her name but I will next game because I’m sure Isaiah will make his way back to her. I love her and don’t know her! #LoveTriumphs #IsaiahsNewFriend#Blessherheart #LowndesVikings #Footballgame
Update: We found out who she is. Her name is Mrs. Angela. She’s such a sweet lady y’all! It’s awesome how God connects people together for whatever reason!!
This is her post after finding out I posted this picture for her:
“To God be all praise, glory, and honor! I have been overwhelmed with emotions today as I have read the post Star Balloon-Bradley shared. I am humbled by the kind words every one has spoken. Isaiah is absolutely adorable! I pray people will Jesus in all this & know His love is beyond measure & that is how I want to love & life my life. I’m not worthy but He sure is!” -Angela"
2nd Update: Thank you for you kind words! I’m so glad this picture is bringing a lot of people joy. I also wanted to mention that I am the auntie and his mom is Thameka S. Miller. Thank you again! May the love continue to spread! 
Update: We found out who she is. Her name is Mrs. Angela. She’s such a sweet lady y’all! It’s awesome how God connects people together for whatever reason!! 
This is her post after finding out I posted this picture for her: “To God be all praise, glory, and honor! I have been overwhelmed with emotions today as I have read the post Star Balloon-Bradley shared. I am humbled by the kind words every one has spoken. Isaiah is absolutely adorable! I pray people will Jesus in all this & know His love is beyond measure & that is how I want to love & life my life. I’m not worthy but He sure is!” -Angela"2nd Update: Thank you for you kind words! I’m so glad this picture is bringing a lot of people joy. I also wanted to mention that I am the auntie and his mom is Thameka S. Miller. Thank you again! May the love continue to spread!
Update: We found out who she is. Her name is Mrs. Angela. She’s such a sweet lady y’all! It’s awesome how God connects people together for whatever reason!! ❤️This is her post after finding out I posted this picture for her: “To God be all praise, glory, and honor! I have been overwhelmed with emotions today as I have read the post Star Balloon-Bradley shared. I am humbled by the kind words every one has spoken. Isaiah is absolutely adorable! I pray people will Jesus in all this & know His love is beyond measure & that is how I want to love & life my life. I’m not worthy but He sure is!” -Angela                                        2nd Update: Thank you for you kind words! I’m so glad this picture is bringing a lot of people joy. I also wanted to mention that I am the auntie and his mom is Thameka S. Miller. Thank you again! May the love continue to spread! 

Isn't this just beautiful?  Incredibly powerful.  The gift of love to a child from another.  What if this had been his stepmom?  Would it have been so celebrated? Shared 182,000 times?   Sadly with the stigma and societal view of stepmoms, I highly doubt it.  There are countless amazing, selflesss, humble moms out there who are doing a fantastic job co-parenting with the stepmom, celebrating the gifts she gives to their children - yes, you read that right - their children.  It doesn't matter if she's had her own children or not - it doesn't require DNA or birthing your own to become a mother.  

Recently I thought of the many blessings my stepchildren were deprived of because of the lack civility much of their time growing up among their parents/stepparents.  They were robbed of the overflowing joy and peace because of pride and jealousy, insecurities and guilt.  Those kids certainly didn't ask for divorce or the vitriol emotions that followed the divorce.  Neither does a stepmom when she meets and eventually marries her husband.   No one is forcing anyone to be friends but at least be civil and show your children that respect, communication and cooperation makes for great co-parenting relationships and who knows....a friendship could develop over time.  

Just a few things to think about.  

Love,

The Straight Up Stepmom.